chuck norris

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body .

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

Putin vs. Chuck Norris. I'm not sure who would win, but I am sure none of us would survive the collateral damage to see it.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

More importantly, shunning Chuck Norris in whatever format is like challenging Superman to a duel by slapping him with Kyrptonite gloves.

Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

One of the most successful Hollywood martial artists was Chuck Norris, Bruce lee's opponent in the climax of the "Way of the Dragon" .

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

In 1992, he helped out on the pilot for "Walker, Texas Ranger, " a new series starring Chuck Norris.

That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

At an Iraqi police graduation ceremony in Falluja, graduates called out for their "Chuck Norris" to pose with them for photos.

The absurdly heroic boasts on Chuck Norris Facts may be affectionate, but will anyone take him seriously again?

Henceforth, we prefer to be called "Chuck Norris. "

The Blackberry sports a great game simply called Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain.

You don't need to be Chuck Norris (thankfully) to get the brain benefits of exercise.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris, a conservative Christian, is also a Romney supporter.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Meanwhile, the Apple store rejected a Chuck Norris app, a Chuck Norris joke generator, because they claimed it ridiculed a public figure.

When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

It doesn't matter whether you are George Bush, Pele or Chuck Norris - you are not safe in Iraq.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.

Thank you, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Don't they know that it's impossible to ridicule Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris

Does he drink a fancy potion every morning at 5a. m. ? Is he related to both Chuck Norris AND Jack Bauer?

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris

This round clearly goes to the Blackberry as it's probably what Chuck Norris is using. Blackberry 1

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris

thank you , chuck norris . - thank you , peter

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris