But having to place myself into a different reality, engage in those decisions, and "live" with the result led to an understanding of the point much deeper than any I have achieved before.

Yet, for various reasons, I disappoint myself and engage in actions that are not only detrimental to my plans, but may even prevent my dreams from coming to pass.

I really do not know how to engage in some of my own, and obviously he has chosen to make this optional why to torture myself?