Will others think I am not holding myself accountable if I act as if I deserve self forgiveness even if I have done things to be ashamed of and should be held accountable for?

At this point, you should have your three queue managers with an SSL-enabled server connection channel on each, all with their own certificate stores holding a self-signed certificate.

You are still there, holding your faith in their true strength and inner power, encouraging them to go beyond their self-imposed limitations and be all that they can be.