It makesshortworkof snatching all the images on a page (including those links to the "bigger" or "zoom" versions), all the MP3s off a music blog, or any other kind of filter you can set up.
Unfortunately, that dead-code optimization that makes such shortworkof your benchmark (possibly optimizing it all away) is not going to do quite as well with code that actually does something.
However, an observation of irony, or an anecdote or short humorous story that makes a relevant point or introduces the topic and sets the theme are the kinds of openings that can work.